the feeling.:|

*in all my blogs, first letters are not capitalized. grammarians, don't dare try to correct it.

there are times that things are so hard to manage that even you, who is involved is so confused of what is already going on. did you ever have the feeling of losing something that you thought you own but it was never really yours? have you ever dreamed of something that seems to be almost on your reach and yet even your fingertips can hardly reach them? that's what I'm feeling now. that's why the title of this post is, "the feeling".

a person made me feel this. he's a man from that world of his who's now undefinable and out of reach. for almost two years now, i don't see him. two years of thinking where he is, what is he doing, what's his condition, or is he sick? things like that. you might think i'm like a paranoid and a bit insane at this moment, but actually i'm just mulling over my thoughts and i just need something to loosen them out.

the feeling...  it's because one day i woke up and knew that i'm not the only girl in his life. the feeling...it's because there's someone else who's there at his side in those times i'm waiting for him 'til midnight just to check that he was able to go home safely. the feeling...it's because i have that concern for him and there are times that i don't have time to check on other matters of my life aside from him. the feeling... it's because now here i am, writing this emotional post just to show how foolish i am to make uncertain things appear clear but in reality are vague and void. :(

i so hate this feeling. i often say that i don't want to assume. and i really do. but these people made me feel I am and that I'm stupid of my own character. they made me fool myself and feel unworthy of them. it so hard to think that those people who you love so dearly are the ones who'll make you cry a lot.

and i know, only the people who can relate with this would understand "the feeling."

.:((